Monday, February 28, 2011

Nighttime Musings of the List Girl

Will it be possible for me to crank out one more post to add to my February tally? I want to get my numbers back up, but this probably isn't a good idea to just start out writing with no real topic in mind.

See, that's all I've got so far. Stuck already!

We went to Red Lobster today for my dad and brothers' birthdays. It was yummy.

A person from my past who has caused me many conflicted feelings randomly up and texted me today and we had a rather long conversation. I don't know exactly how I'm feeling about it, though. Good, I think, but it's hard to tell. Hopefully when I go to sleep tonight I'll have some sort of revealing dream that makes everything clear. Lately I've been having this issue where I end up having to get up in the middle of these dreams that are just so entertaining, and it's almost depressing to have to leave. It's like I'm placed in someone else's life, where nothing really magical or interesting is happening, but there's a STORY that I'm captivated in, and it's really hard to get up without trying to go back to sleep. That really doesn't sound too special, but when all my dreams as of late aren't memorable at all, the only chance of escaping real life is so appealing.

And then today I was so tired from lack of inadequate sleep this weekend, that I went to take a nap in my room and I just could not fall asleep for some reason. I think a lot of things were going through my mind that I need to take care of this week, and I've just been on such a go-go-go schedule that I can't relax until everything's done. And I could tell that the pressure of only having so much time to sleep before getting up to do things again was making it worse, because when I know I've got a small window for getting good rest, it never ends up happening. Like when I took the ACT for the first time and I wasn't really nervous at all, I just had the worst night's sleep because all I could think about was how much I NEEDED to sleep so I could function well and do a good job. Everybody in the morning was like, "It's totally nerves!" but I was like no it's not, guys, I know what it feels like to be nervous and this is not it. Anxiety, perhaps, but those are completely different. It wasn't anxiety over the test, it was anxiety over getting adequate sleep.

Something I've been thinking about recently - The more I grow older and realize all the funny things that have happened in my family, the more I appreciate those silly experiences that I normally would take for granted. I didn't even know that I was run over by Christopher on his tricycle when we were kids until he said it tonight, but just imagining it makes me laugh. I could tell it was something he remembered vividly, and he was surprised that I didn't. We all have those memories that stick in our minds for some reason even though they're nothing close to monumental events. With our limited capacity at such a young age, I wonder what causes us to keep certain memories and leave others out. For instance, I always always will remember that in kindergarten I taught a girl named Tess how to snap her fingers. Did that mean anything in the course of my life? Of course not, so why do I remember it? Just something to ponder, I guess.

But anyway, I'm going to have to start keeping a catalogue of all the funny stories to tell when new people enter into our family - fiances far in the future, perhaps? People often say we are such a sitcom family (mainly my mom, actually), but I just don't normally think about our experiences in that way. However, I'll always remember the time I was pretending to swing our wooden kitchen mallet at Garrett from across the room and the top part came off flying through the air, soaring across the way and hitting the wall behind him, leaving a serious dent in the wall. And now we'll forever get to tease him about breaking his thumb from running into a tree skiing. I wasn't there so I don't know the circumstances, but just the idea behind it is quite humorous. And now I love telling the story of how I drank a bottle of Benadryl when I was 3 or 4, playing house and being the one who needed medicine, when Christopher tattled on me and I was taken to the children's clinic and forced to throw it all up. Mom never fails to mention how stubborn I was - I didn't want to throw up so I kept holding it in, despite the fluids they gave me to prevent otherwise. This might explain why I have a high tolerance for things that should normally make me gag. I couldn't even be bulimic if I tried, because those muscles have been built up so well to not allow for up-chucking.

Is this getting a little uncomfortable? I still don't know where I'm going with this post.

Another thing - I find it increasingly shocking to myself how much time and effort I'm willing to spend on some of my classes to prep for tests that take up almost no time at all. I would estimate at least 15 hours total of reading/note-taking/studying for my second Visual Arts QUIZ all culminated in a 30 question assessment that took me no more than 20 minutes. The material covered 5 chapters, with so much information that we could have been tested on - 100 questions, easily. I almost feel like I've wasted all that time, but I can't go that way of thinking because there would be no way I could pull off grades in the 90s without it, despite how not time-consuming the quizzes are.

And don't you hate it when you take a test not on the computer and you actually have to wait a few days to know how you did? I'm getting so used to automatically knowing my score when I finish, it drives me nuts that I can't know my grade for the test I took in another class today. I rushed out of the house this morning to get to school early so I could squeeze in extra study time and get my 3X5 notecard ready with the notes allowed, only to forget said blank 3X5 card and have to purchase a whole pack of like 500 hundred just for the one that I needed for 50 minutes. The things you do for good grades . . . Sigh . . . It'll all be worth it when I get my scholarship back and graduate with supreme confidence two years from now in my area of specialty, ready to start my career and take on the world.

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