Monday, July 18, 2011

The End ... ?

Well! It's my first time blogging since the new blogspot interface was implemented. It's very different since they changed it, for those of you who don't know what it's like on the other side of this publication process, and it may or may not have been a factor in my absence for the last few weeks. I honestly don't know.

This is somewhat of a scary time for me because I'm not sure if I will be blogging again after this. Lots of things have been going on in my head regarding the purpose of my blog and how it's not the same as it used to be, as well as my stage in life at the current moment. A fellow blogger friend and I have been briefly discussing our similar periods of writer's block. Her theory is that she's in a transitional chapter of her life right now, whereas it may be, for me, that the last 14 months or so that I've kept this public internet journal made up a chapter of my life by itself, and it's time to move on from that.

You might not understand why I've put so much effort into figuring out what went wrong and caused me to lose the desire to write, but for ways that take a long time to explain, this blog has been very important to me as a young adult, especially throughout the 19th year of my life. Perhaps, because of the timing, it has something to do with the fact that I'm in a new-ish relationship right now - maybe if I didn't have someone to talk to about life, I'd still be going on about insignificant nothings in my usual less-than-poetic form. Writing to explore a viewpoint or critique a product was always fun; however, for those diary-like purposes of the blog, it has come to my attention that my interest in recording the details of fun experiences like I used to has suddenly waned tremendously. I no longer go about my days thinking of what cleverly devised descriptions I will use when I write about them later. Unless this is a phase, I may be undergoing some developmental changes and realizations about myself that are making me into the woman I ... am ... becoming ...

Just then my train of thought ended up in a neverending circle. Anyway. To explain a little better: Reflecting upon my last two years of college, I realize that they were both filled with growth and learning about myself. However, I feel that for the majority of the time that I was riding high with this project of mine, it was because my mindset was all about doing things and making memories. That would explain all the lists of things I wanted to do, and things that I was proud I had done. Now for some reason I don't care about the records as much, and while I'm sad about not sharing the memories of this summer, I don't want it to seem like nothing extraordinary has happened. In my heart, I know the joy I felt for life when I could express it through words was always there, even during the times I couldn't (and still can't) bring myself to write about it. A lot of spiritual things have been happening inside me this year, which may also contribute - as I've always said, this anthology is not for the deep. Intellectually, sometimes it was, but where my soul is concerned, that stuff stays inside.

So if this year of blogging is coming to an end because I'm drawing closer to my Savior in ways that provide richer satisfaction than a well-written post, then I will gladly accept that the time is up. There is still a part of me that believes the small ounce of creativity I have that kept me going this long will stay with me forever, and after some time I won't be able to stay away. Not that I'm trying! Afterall, if I'm going to stick with this accounting degree (and lifestyle?), I may HAVE to have an outlet for creative expression after dealing with numbers and data 24/7. Plus, being able to get these thoughts down somewhat cohesively just now reminded me of how rewarding it is when I actually CAN do it.

Apologies for the vagueness, but this may or may not be Goodbye. For the sake of consistency, it would be difficult to come back here after letting so much time go by without posting a darn useful thing. So we'll see what the future holds. There is a sadness in my heart for what I'm not sure is exactly happening right now, but I have hope for the future. God bless you all, and perhaps I'll see you on another screen sometime.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

My Favorite Summer Trends

Current Fashion Trend: Feather hair extensions!! Spunky celebrities like Steven Tyler, Ke$ha, Nicole Richie, and plenty more have been seen with them lately. Two friends and I went on a mission last weekend to find a salon where we could get some, and I can proudly say I'm currently sporting some bright yellow and blue feathers in my hair as we speak. It's been a few days and I've learned to be gentle when washing and combing my hair, but they're pretty easy to work with as long as you don't forget they're there and accidentally tear them out. My personality is typically one that must have everything matching, so in a roundabout way these extensions are good at forcing me not to care so much about my appearance, when 90% of the things I wear don't match them at all. My attitude now is like "Eh, whatever. They still look cool and I can wear cute things at the same time but it's not a big deal if the coordination is off."

Current Date Trend: Going to the park. This timeless idea will probably always be around, because there is nothing more romantic than a leisurely spent afternoon outside with your significant other, spent frolicking around blissfully under the protection of towering shady tree branches. Bring a ball to play catch with, have a Taco Bell picnic (or not...), push each other on the swings, and then spend some time resting on the ground in good conversation with the head of one person lying sweetly on the lap of another. Just like in the movies. (Cliches exist for a reason.)

Current Food Trend (for me anyway): After 20 years of living, I've finally come around to the flavors of mayonnaise and ketchup mixed together. Yes, people. I've been a Utahn all my life and just now I'm falling in love with fry sauce.

Current Music Trend: Songs with a positive self esteem message. This has been carried over since the beginning of the year, so it's not just a summer trend. But anyway! Examples: "Who Says" by Selena Gomez, "Perfect" by P!nk, and "Just the Way You Are" by Bruno Mars. In a world where people are always pressured to be better and look prettier (even way back in the Bible days - just read the book of Esther), it's nice to hear every once in a while that change isn't necessary and we are beautiful just as we are. If you can think of any other songs that fit this description, let me know, because I feel like starting a playlist!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Weekly Update on Independence Day

I still cannot seem to put thoughts occurring in my head about life into some coherent structural form of written language. Small ideas keep popping up, things that are fun and interesting to converse about, like the difference between happiness based on living in the moment, and happiness based on creating memories you will be able to look back on, like a collection of trophies. But for some reason I don't want to write about these things anymore!

This time last year I was celebrating some sort of holiday in the month of July with fireworks and friends. Today I did the same thing - Independence Day! - but with friends I didn't even know last year, specifically one very special person I can't imagine life without right now. It's strange how much things can change in a year, how fast a year will go by, and how fast 5 weeks will go by and seem like they never happened. 

But let's not go the personal route of my life as a growing young adult learning about relationships and what-not. Instead, here's a brief list that sums up my day:

Things I Learned on the Fourth of July, 2011

- Clearfield does a good firework show
- There is a reason some flip flops only cost $2
- 4th of July weather isn't always hot and sunny and pleasant like you expect
- Rumbi Island Grill has really good chicken bowls
- Sometimes an afternoon spent doing nothing with a person you really like can be a really great afternoon
- Chinese Oreos have flavored frosting (mango orange!) and could give American Oreos a run for their money

That is all for now. I'm doing my best here, blog, and future Shannon (I know you will re-read this again sometime). The words may be scarce, but can I get an A for effort?

Happy Birthday, America.